History indicates a lack of appreciation for the common eating utensil. Throughout utensil-existent time, these trusty appliances have nestled in our hands, aiding us in survival. And we have ignored them: they have been used and tossed aside with shameful regularity. Well, on Friday the scales of justice began the long, red-tape-bordered ascent back to equilibrium. What am I talking about? That’s a fair question. I’m not surprised that you’re uninformed. This is painful, but it’s time for the healing to begin. And you need to know. So…just remember that we’ll get through this together.
This Friday was… The Day of Reckoning. From this year forth I predict, with considerable confidence, that November 3^rd, 2006 shall henceforth be known as… Fork Friday, or otherwise called The Day of the Fork. And the auspicious events of that day shall be likewise unforgettable. Oh yes, they shall.
I see you’re confusion lingers. Allow me to furnish you with the details. This Friday past was a Friday like any other… The Society of Senior Youths assembled, as usual. On this occasion we congregated at Joe’s Place, joining our numbers with another such Society. The anticipation was understandably palpable, as the evening centered ‘round the revelation of mystery: the annual Voltage vision was to be unveiled! (Yes, “It’s coming…”) Well, all was going according to plan, for the first 5 minutes. And then… it began.

The warning signs were everywhere, but we…we didn’t see. It started with the shirts. The Hosts of the evening were attired in proclaimative event shirts. So we likewise donned them. And THAT’s when we realized! “Someone” had compromised our proclaimative message! The shirts had been tainted. I repeat, TAINTED! We rushed the shirts to a secured location, and on closer inspection all our fears were confirmed: ALL had succumbed to the tampering. We quelled our panic… And then the full extent of the sabotage was revealed. The posters! The website! Our evening event itself–ALL USURPED! It was horrific! Tragic! …UGLY! On display for all the world (of Saskatchewan) to see: prominently Spearing through our painstakingly selected logo… a GIANT FORK!!!

Chaos broke out. We were sitting ducks. (Well, to be accurate, most of us were no longer sitting.) But nevertheless! There we were: our plans for a pleasant evening crashing down around us. To be completely honest, we still do not have full information regarding the subsequent events. Miraculous (and inexplicably improbable) on-site, footage caught fragments of the action. There are no words. We have glimpses of one Godzilla-eque fork infiltrating the building with the help of some of our own, sadly unquestioning members!!! (We do not blame them, but it will be hard to rebuild the trust.) Once inside, there was no stopping them: sneaking up on innocently congregating groups ’round the building! Causing tragic, hysterical stampedes! Terrorizing one particularly isolated individual who sought refuge in… a mine shaft? (Franckly, authorities are still searching for traces of that one…) People resorted to desperate measures for survival: donning extraordinary disguises to conceal their humanity. And that they did! It appears that forks are repelled by the Village people, and clowns. (Yes, well kindly remember that fear makes people do incredible things.)